How big is that closet anyway?

There is always a degree of wonder in CD circles about being "in the closet" or "being out."  There seems to be quite a bit of difference in what various folks mean about what being out means.  I think a few examples are in order?  I'm going to use "he" to talk about the CDer... don't get your panties in a knot!

1. We have the CD that only one person in the entire world knows about:  himself.  We call him "in the closet," and I'm pretty sure nobody will disagree with this.
2. We have the CD that has let his SO know.  Is he out of the closet, or has he dragged her in with him?  Is he "out" since he's no longer got a secret just for him, or has the closet just gotten big enough for two?
3. We have the CD that has let his immediate family know.  He also goes out and about en femme. However, he's careful to make sure that he only goes places that he'll not likely run into friends and family or workmates.  Is this person out?  I'm sure we'd have to say yes, since this person is just as likely as anyone to have to interact with someone else?
4. We have the CD that everyone knows about.  Friends, family, work force, everyone.  No question about a closet here. 

So, who's out and who's in the closet?  This is where I have a small issue with our "activists."  You know, the ones that figure we owe it to future generations to be, as they say, loud and proud.  The ones for which "closet" is a dirty word.

I'm a solid 2.5 if I use the above categories.  My wife knows.  I go shopping, wander around, have coffee.  I pick malls and the like that it's not likely that any family will be at.  I look different enough that even if I pass a workmate, odds are they'll not even notice.  Every person I interact with meets a "normal, everyday person"... that just happens to wear the clothes of a different gender.  According to the fraction of  group 4 people...  I don't do enough.  Does that matter?  It certainly doesn't to me anymore.  I'm as out as I like to be.

What do you do with the folks that want to be in the closet?  Not for fear, not for apprehension, but for a reason of preference?  For some, this is a sexual fetish and nothing else - should that be on the streets?  Isn't this really about being comfortable in your own skin so that you can do as you wish?  What's wrong with a 3 bed, 2 bath closet?

Whether we like it or not, there are many of us that have a real risk in being unconventional about some of the things we do.  It's not just dressing - it applies to a lot of things.  But risk aside, there's also a willingness to share.  My boss doesn't need to know that I like to wear women's clothes any more than he need to know what video games I like to play, or that I like to get the occasional spanking.  Is it not up to each of us to decide what balance in life to achieve?

I get a kick from those people that keep saying that we should all be out there presenting our real selves to the world in general.  Look at their arguments:

• It's not against the law - Well, sorry, but in many parts of the world, yes it is.  I live in one such part.  Don't tell me they don't exist.
• We have a responsibility for the next generation of CDers- I do?  Sure, I'll do my bit to educate when it comes up, and I'll do my bit within the community to help out the cause.  But responsibility?
• You should be proud to be yourself - that's rich, really... how do you know who I am?  Going to work in guy mode is who I am, so why should I change that to suit your agenda?

Back to the point.  Are you in the closet?  I've said before that being a #2 is a must, especially if you're planning on getting married.  I call it CD Rule #1.  Your wife shall know before yours and her lives become intertwined.  The problem is timing... it's easy enough to find success and horror stories about coming out on the 'net.  If you read some CD wive's comments, they can enjoy it, or resent it.  It's a big secret that you feel great about sharing... and she may feel trapped keeping.  But if you share it before she's backed into maintaining the relationship, at least she's trapped of her choice - if trapped is even the right word.  It's those of us who wait 15 years and 4 kids later that cause the problems.  Certainly, if you're in the group of #1, and want to move to the group of #2... you have much to think about.  Are you stepping out, or dragging someone in?

Other than that... live your life the way you want, and not the way someone else wants you to.  Don't care about the closet.  It's as big as you need it to be for you.